In a Mood

I'm in a mood and can't seem to snap out of it. Do you ever feel like you are never good enough? For some reason, I have felt that way the last couple of days. I feel like everything I do is wrong, or maybe not wrong, but just not right.

 

My kids tell me that I am always grouchy. The funny thing is, I think I am happy most of the time. I think that the only time they tell me that is when they get told to do something they don't want to do or don't get their way. So for me, as their mom, I am always grouchy because they don't always get their way. It is so hard to hear and makes me feel not good enough.

 

I also feel like I am invisible to them unless they need or want something. They don't see the fact that every Saturday I plan meals and go grocery shopping - they only see that we are out of food or don't have the food that they want. They don't see that I just spent an hour making dinner - they only see that it is something that they don't want.

 

And here is what drives me the most crazy. Every morning and night for the past two month, I have made it a point to read my scriptures. Not just once a day, but twice. I want to start my day with scriptures and prayer and end my day with scriptures and prayer. I want to make myself a "holy place" and I really feel like it has helped me. I feel more spiritual and don't let things get to me - well most days anyway. But, now my kids say, "I thought that reading scriptures was supposed to make you happier. You're just grouchy all the time, so why read them?"

 

Really? Why is it that something so important to me makes them put me down? I know that it is just Satan trying to discourage me, but it truly is hard to hear. And I hear it a lot. I feel like I give them my whole life to only have it thrown in my face that I never do anything for them. And I know they know I would do anything for them, but I just want a little appreciation sometimes. Sincere appreciation.

 

But, there is always a silver lining to every trial. The great thing to this is I don't feel alone. I know that my Heavenly Father is there to help me through whatever I am going through and whatever feelings I am having. He is there to help me - every step of the way. And knowing that makes getting through this easier!

 

Dylan's Mission Call

Wow. So many emotions right now!

I got a phone call this morning around 7:30. It was the post office saying that Dylan's call had arrived. Holy cow. I really wasn't expecting it until Friday or Saturday because of the holiday. Dylan was staying at Grandma Blake's house, so I called his cell phone. He answered on the last ring and was half asleep. I told him that his call was here - man did he wake up quick. He said, "Oh my gosh!" and dropped his phone.

Kevin and the boys were extremely happy and excited. Then I called my mom and dad. They were way excited. I tried to call my sisters and neither one of them answered their cell phones. I was like, this is important and they aren't answering. Then I finally got ahold of them and told them what we were doing. They were so excited, too.

Dylan wanted his friends to be there when he opened his call, so we decided to open it at noon at my mom and dad's house. I couldn't believe I had to wait that long. My parents were nice enough to make sandwiches, cookies, and brownies for everyone, and there were probably like 50 people there! I was already anxious enough. I arrived at about 11:45 with the kids. Dylan was already there with Grandma Blake and my parents - plus tons of others. I was on pins and needles all morning. Kevin got tied up at work so he didn't arrive until about 5 after. Seriously by now I thought I was going to have a heart attack, my heart was racing so fast.

So, before Dylan opened his call he told me that he was going to say something different than was on his papers and then say, "Just kidding!" and then tell everyone where he was really going. Well when he read that he was going to Brazil Sao Paulo South Mission, speaking Portuguese, leaving July 17, I didn't believe him. I kept saying, "Really" and finally he shook his head. I can't believe it.

Then, Kevin asks me what MTC he was going to. I was thinking the Provo MTC, but I was wrong. He is going to the Brazil MTC. Oh my heck! We don't drop him off at the MTC in Provo, but at the airport! Wow. That's when the tears started to roll. I am so excited, nervous, happy, sad, anxious - every emotion you can possibly feel. But, most importantly, I feel blessed. Blessed to have a son who is worthy to serve a mission - and not just worthy, but excited; blessed to have a husband who is my other half and honors his Priesthood; blessed to have my family sealed to me forever; blessed to have a daughter who found someone worthy to take her to the temple; blessed to have two more boys in my life who love playing sports and don't care if their mom yells. So many blessings in my life. I know my Heavenly Father loves me!

My Testimony

From as long as I can remember, I have had a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Yes, I am a Mormon. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am not just a member, but it is a part of me. It has helped me become who I am today, and who I will be tomorrow and forever.

As a child, I can remember several spiritual experiences. I bore my testimony often. No matter what was going on in my life, what trials and tribulations I had, I never doubted my faith even through my teenage years. 

I remember at the age of 20, not doubting my faith, but wondering if my testimony was mine – if I had received my own testimony, received my own witness. I felt like for so long I relied on the testimony of my parents and grandparents that I wasn’t sure for myself. I had heard so many stories of when people knew, just knew that the scriptures were true. I wanted my own experience.

At this time in my life, things were not the easiest, but I remember that my dad had told me that he had started reading the Book of Mormon (again), and challenged me to read it too. I accepted his challenge, and we kind of made it a game. Every day we would compare where we were – it ended up being a contest to see who would finish first (it was my dad, but not by far).

I would read in my bedroom every night. I said my prayers every night before I read and after I read. I wanted my own witness – to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had my own testimony. That I knew everything I was studying and living was true. One night, I was reading in Alma about the Stripling Warriors and their faith and desire to fight for their families, to defend their religion and way of life.  I read Alma 56:47-48:

“Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers then they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.  And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it.”

The tears started streaming down my face, and I knew that everything I had learned and everything I was living was true – that there was no way that my testimony was just from my parents and grandparents. It may have started there, but it was from the spirit bearing witness at so many different times in my life. My parents taught me and I never doubted – nor will I. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true. I know it is true and it is right. I LIVE it, I LOVE it, and I will be a member forever!

Life is Great!

First off, Happy Valentine'sDay. It has been a great day. Not just because it's Valentine's Day, but it is a day to reflect on those I love and realize all my blessings.  I decided to take some time off this afternoon and make a nice dinner for my family. Kevin and I are going to Moab for Jordan's basketball tournament and figured we would go to dinner tomorrow. So I made steak, shrimp, baked potatoes, and Oreo Poke Cake (recipe will be coming). So yummy and delicious and very much appreciated by my family.

I am so blessed to have been raised in the gospel. When I look back on my childhood, I know it wasn't perfect, but it was pretty great. We did so many fun things as a family and made great memories and traditions that I will always treasure. More importantly, I never once questioned whether I was loved or not. My parents loved me unconditionally. I could not have asked for better parents. I love them - they are truly the best!

My four kids, well actually five, are amazing. They are each so different and full of life. My greatest blessing in life is that of a mother. I couldn't have asked for better kids. Even though they fight sometimes - and sometimes it seems like a lot - I love them with all my heart.

Most important I have a husband who loves me unconditionally. Sometimes I am too serious, and he brings out the fun in me. He has a way to make me smile, even when I don't want to. Although we have been through some very difficult times, I believe that our marriage is much stronger because of them. I am lucky to have someone I will be with forever - someone I love with all my heart and soul and I am so blessed he is also my best friend.

Right now, even though I have bad days and things are not perfect, I am enjoying life. Life is great!

"Where's He Going?" Party

So tonight we had dinner at my mom and dad's house. They have a big empty room downstairs where we are able to set up tables and chairs enough to fit all of us. We usually have dinner on Fast Sunday, but since last Sunday was the Superbowl, we changed it to today. And since Dylan just submitted his papers, I wanted everyone to decide where they thought Dylan would go on his mission.

My parents found this world map and we stuck it to a presentation board. Everyone put their initials on a push pin and stuck it in the Board. Here is Kolar guessing where he thought.

And a picture of my cute sister taking a picture of me. Usually I forget my camera and have to rely on her, but I remembered today. And most of the time she is not in pictures because she is always taking them.

Then after we all guessed, we stuck pins in for everyone who took a guess from Facebook.  Here is the final product with the future missionary.

 

Here are everyone's guesses. The first part are from people on Facebook. Dylan was the first one that guessed at our party.

• Brooke Pehrson - Brazil
• Becky Hughes - Alaska (of course, since she moved there last year)
• Eric Balch - Argentina
• Silvia Stubbs - Argentina
• Tiffany Witte - Texas
• Don Johnson - Japan
• Jeremy J. Lyman - Spain
• Karyssa Balch - Brazil
• Simone Shumway - Peru
• Carol Richmond - Korea
• Kaylee Ann Star - Germany
• Jim Blake - Little Rock, Arkansas
• Jeff Blake - Brazil
• Heidi Bullard - Texas
• Laurie Hawkins Crook - New York
• Lynette Stevens - Brazil
• Callie Winters - Marshall Islands (this is where Dylan wants to go)
• Janet Wilcox - Scandinavia
• Jodilyn Blake - Mexico
• Dylan - Brazil
• Kolar - Russia
• Javin - Madagascar
• Jordan - Marshall Islands
• Carver - Hungary
• Kailey - Paris, France
• Keya - Equador
• Kylar - Rome, Italy
• Kamri - Stockholm, Sweden
• Niquee - Sweden
• Clint - Portugal, Spain
• Kristy - Hong Kong, China
• Jeff - Canary Islands
• Sheri - Denmark
• Maquel - Venezuala
• Lyle - Mexico
• Grandpa Balch - Ghana
• Grandma Balch - Ontario, Canada
• Grandma Blake - Hawaii
• Dad (Kevin) - Dallas, Texas (Gee could this be because he is a HUGE Cowboys fan!)
• Mom (Me) - Romania

Wow, lots of guesses, huh? Can't wait until he gets his official call. The one thing I know is that not a one of us knows where he is going. The only one that knows is the Lord. And I know that his call will be from him. Now we wait for a couple of weeks. Stay tuned!

Mission Papers are in!

On Tuesday, February 5th, Dylan's mission papers were completed and submitted to Church Headquarters.  I honestly have a thousand different emotions running through me.  I am so excited and can't wait to see where he is going.  I am anxious because he may be going somewhere scary.  The world is not always a safe place to live in.  I am nervous - what if he doesn't like where he is going.  His heart is set on a foreign mission.  What if it's not?  I am sad that I won't be able to see him for two whole years.  I am proud of all the right decisions he has made in his life.  Never once in his life did he say that he wasn't going on a mission.  I am happy because I know he is doing the right thing.  I know this will change who he is forever.

Sunday we are having dinner over at my mom and dad's and we are all guessing where he is going.  We got a big world map and everyone will put a sticker on it with their name where they think he is going.  It will be interesting to see where people think he will serve.  I have my own guess and have for the last week or so.  But, the most important thing is that we all know he will serve where the Lord wants him to be.  The calling comes from the Lord through the General Authorities and to him.  He will be wherever he is needed and I accept that.

Now the waiting game begins.  Two to four weeks before we know for sure.  Can't wait!

Caprese Rollups

One of my favorite things to do is cooking.  I love to try new things.  We have something at home called "New Recipe Night."  Sometimes these recipes are a total flop, but other times they become the new favorite.  Here is one I tried last week that was pretty simple.  Dylan and Jordan weren't home, but the rest of us loved it.

Caprese Rollups

 

8 lasagna noodles, cooked

16 slices mozzarella cheese

1/2-1 cup mozzarella cheese, shredded

3-4 roma tomatoes, sliced

1/3 cup parmesan cheese

Basil

1-2 cups marinara sauce

 

Preheat over to 350.  Put marinara sauce in the bottom of baking pan (I used an 11 x 7).  Lay one cooked noodle flat on surface.  Place a tomato on the top of one side, then a slice of mozzarella cheese, then tomato, then cheese.  Repeat to end of noodle (I only needed to slices of cheese and two slices of tomatoes).  Sprinkle chopped basil (I used dried because fresh was not available) and parmesan cheese on top.  Roll up as tightly as possible.  Put in baking dish, seam down.  Repeat with other noodles.  When finished put remaining marinara sauce on top.  Bake for about 30 minutes.  Right before it is done, sprinkle with shredded mozzarella cheese and return to oven until melted.  Delicious!

Good Quote

Elder Richard G. Scott said, "You don't need to compromise your standards to be accepted by good friends.  The more obedient you are . . . the more the Lord can help you overcome temptation.  You can also help others because they will feel your strength.  Let them know about your standards by consistently living them . . . No one intends to make serious mistakes.  They come when you compromise your standards to be more accepted by others.  You be the strong one.  You be the leader.  Choose good friends and resist peer presure together."

I love this quote.  It puts things into prespective.  If you choose good people to be around then you will be a better person.  If you choose bad people to be around, even though you are good, they will influence how you act.  It is really hard to stay strong when the people around you are not.  Friends help make you who you are.  My goal is to be the stronger one!

Great Quote

I love this quote (and picture)!

 

100 Days Closer to Christ

This year I have started a "100 Days Closer to Christ" challenge.  Three weeks ago, we had a fireside for youth and their parents to introduce the theme for this year.  The theme is "Stand in Holy Places."  Some of the videos they showed touched me deeply.  They talked about how you can always stand in holy places no matter where you are because you can be a holy place yourself.  That night, I made a goal to become a "Holy Place" and get closer to my Heavenly Father.  That is my focus this year - Spirituality.