As a child, I can remember several spiritual experiences. I bore my testimony often. No matter what was going on in my life, what trials and tribulations I had, I never doubted my faith even through my teenage years.
I remember at the age of 20, not doubting my faith, but wondering if my testimony was mine – if I had received my own testimony, received my own witness. I felt like for so long I relied on the testimony of my parents and grandparents that I wasn’t sure for myself. I had heard so many stories of when people knew, just knew that the scriptures were true. I wanted my own experience.
At this time in my life, things were not the easiest, but I remember that my dad had told me that he had started reading the Book of Mormon (again), and challenged me to read it too. I accepted his challenge, and we kind of made it a game. Every day we would compare where we were – it ended up being a contest to see who would finish first (it was my dad, but not by far).
I would read in my bedroom every night. I said my prayers every night before I read and after I read. I wanted my own witness – to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had my own testimony. That I knew everything I was studying and living was true. One night, I was reading in Alma about the Stripling Warriors and their faith and desire to fight for their families, to defend their religion and way of life. I read Alma 56:47-48:
“Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers then they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them. And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it.”
The tears started streaming down my face, and I knew that everything I had learned and everything I was living was true – that there was no way that my testimony was just from my parents and grandparents. It may have started there, but it was from the spirit bearing witness at so many different times in my life. My parents taught me and I never doubted – nor will I. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true. I know it is true and it is right. I LIVE it, I LOVE it, and I will be a member forever!
I don't know what has taken you so long to start your blog - again. You do such a good job and I love reading them and your creativity in adding thoughts, pictures, etc. Mine seems so boring in comparison. Loved your testimony and it made me think that I probably should share mine on my blog. I never doubted that you had your own testimony, and like you said all of us lean on someone else's until ours gets strong and becomes our own.
ReplyDelete