I'm in a mood and can't seem to snap out of it. Do you ever feel like you are never good enough? For some reason, I have felt that way the last couple of days. I feel like everything I do is wrong, or maybe not wrong, but just not right.
My kids tell me that I am always grouchy. The funny thing is, I think I am happy most of the time. I think that the only time they tell me that is when they get told to do something they don't want to do or don't get their way. So for me, as their mom, I am always grouchy because they don't always get their way. It is so hard to hear and makes me feel not good enough.
I also feel like I am invisible to them unless they need or want something. They don't see the fact that every Saturday I plan meals and go grocery shopping - they only see that we are out of food or don't have the food that they want. They don't see that I just spent an hour making dinner - they only see that it is something that they don't want.
And here is what drives me the most crazy. Every morning and night for the past two month, I have made it a point to read my scriptures. Not just once a day, but twice. I want to start my day with scriptures and prayer and end my day with scriptures and prayer. I want to make myself a "holy place" and I really feel like it has helped me. I feel more spiritual and don't let things get to me - well most days anyway. But, now my kids say, "I thought that reading scriptures was supposed to make you happier. You're just grouchy all the time, so why read them?"
Really? Why is it that something so important to me makes them put me down? I know that it is just Satan trying to discourage me, but it truly is hard to hear. And I hear it a lot. I feel like I give them my whole life to only have it thrown in my face that I never do anything for them. And I know they know I would do anything for them, but I just want a little appreciation sometimes. Sincere appreciation.
But, there is always a silver lining to every trial. The great thing to this is I don't feel alone. I know that my Heavenly Father is there to help me through whatever I am going through and whatever feelings I am having. He is there to help me - every step of the way. And knowing that makes getting through this easier!
Maybe it is the weather or something, as I have had the same feelings lately, which is why I wrote them down on my blog. They say that writing them down really helps you to feel better, and it did me so I hope it will you. Maybe like you said Satan tries to get to us when we are trying our hardest. I don't have the children appreciation problem now like you do, but there is always the husband thing. I love Dad to death and I know I couldn't ask for a better husband, father, grandfather - all-around great guy, but lately he is driving me crazy with little things. So I have to remind myself to pick my battles and not let the little things get to me. Keep smiling and know that your kids really do love you and appreciate all that you do for them; they just don't let you know that most of the time.
ReplyDeleteSeriously there must be something in the air because I seriously almost posted about this exact same thing a couple weeks ago. I really felt like I could not do one thing right. I was actually going to title my post-FAILURE because that is how I felt-like one big failure at every single aspect in my life. It's sad how satan gets to us who are active in the church and knows he is not going to get us to drink or do drugs or cheat on our spouses or big things like that-he just gets us to feel inadequate. Hang in there because it will get better and just remember it can always get worse-lol! And the silver lining is that SOME DAY are kids will appreciate all we do-at least we can hope that happens-ha
ReplyDelete